Today Is My Life — Why Am I Obsessed With My Future?
As a child, I was wildly imaginative.
Often caught in some daydream-altered reality where I was a movie star or a superhero, I quickly fell in love with the fun of playing pretend.
Now, as an adult, I still find myself “playing pretend” in ways that are anything but fun.
Whether it be instances of people pleasing or self-sabotage, the many ways in which I have neglected my present existence for the sake of my future are immense. This obsessive sense of ambition prevented me from embracing the joy that already existed in my life, thus warping my opinion of myself into being that of deep insecurity and dissatisfaction.
It’s a destructive routine that many of us fall victim to, thoroughly convinced that our trajectory is our reality. Only once we get the job, or lose ten pounds, or finally get laid, will we be content — but it’s a scam. The insatiable beast that is living in the future can never be tamed, not as long as you feed it.
Oftentimes, living in the moment can be an overwhelming and intimidating venture for folks to endure. After so many years spent actively fighting that awareness — whether through drugs and alcohol or meticulous planning — embracing that uncertainty can be daunting. Thankfully, there are a few simple practices we can incorporate into every day that are able to help us strengthen our mindfulness skills.
“Life is but a day; A fragile dew-drop on its perilous way From a tree’s summit.” ― John Keats, The Complete Poems
Affirmations
As an avid journal-er, I find that writing down facts about the current moment to be surprisingly grounding. If writing isn’t your forte, even saying these observations aloud can alleviate an unhelpful thought from spiraling any further.
Stating the date, time, and weather are some of the go-to topics I like to use as affirmations. More extensively, I include the really detailed perceptions.
For example, at the time of writing this article, I could affirm my present moment by writing:
Today is Sunday, November 5th 2023. It is 11:57 am, and 58 degrees Fahrenheit outside. I am sitting cross-legged on the couch with my laptop, and my partner’s dog is taking a nap on the purple beanbag beside me.
By reminding myself of the factual, objective facts of my situation, I can shift my focus away from any destructive thought process that would otherwise send me into a state of disassociation, or “pretend”.
Sensations
Sensory input is another easily accessible way for you to escape from dwelling in your mind and to enjoy living more in your body. For some, this includes the use of a stim toy or stress ball, but these are not required.
Whenever I catch myself stuck in my thoughts and without any stimulatory objects on my person, these are some of my favorite techniques to ground myself into my physical sensations:
- Drawing on my skin — using my finger to trace circles, lines, or any other shape against my leg or arm.
- Thumb tapping — tapping my thumb against other fingers as I name them aloud (i.e. “ring finger”, “middle finger”, etc.)
- Stretching — a bit more involved, yet can include any big or small stretches. I include touching my toes as a good stabilizer.
- Texture — finding anything near me, whether it be the drywall’s impasto or the dimensions of a mechanical pencil, and deeply analyzing the texture of an object.
These methods and more have been influential in my attempts at grounding during stressful moments.
Breathing
This one, personally, I’ve found frustrating in the past. Regardless, finding a time to take deep and intentional breaths can be a spectacular tool for mindfulness.
My frustrations are likely relatable issues others have with breathing techniques: that they feel reductive, useless, and (ironically) suffocating. It honestly wasn’t until I forced the research and scientific reasoning into my head that I started to believe in the process much more, and in turn, found success with it.
Research has shown that our emotional states are tied to our rate of breath, and so, by artificially taking control of our breathing and pacing it to the tune of a calmer emotion’s breath rate, we can start to alleviate our feelings as a result.
Personally, I find counting to feel redundant, and instead prefer to breathe until I reach the full and empty limits of my breathing. More intuitive than numerical, I’ve found this method to also help with the inevitable frustration.
Today Is My Life…
I leave you with this short poem I wrote recently as a mantra to hopefully help you with embracing mindful living and integrating more grounding techniques (such as the ones listed above) into your life:
Today is my life
all seconds and sensations
like bunny ears held hidden ‘bove my head
In attempt to do it “right”
got hooked on hallucinations
but I named them premonitions instead
Today is my life
against my battered judgement
not when I get the job or win the war
It’s what I do, not what I might
looking up long enough to see it
In on the inside joke of what it’s for
