“Suck It Up And Deal With It”: What To Do When Life Feels Unfair
As children, we get told that “life is unfair” pretty regularly.
Whether it be our parents in response to us asking for a new toy, or said by a sports coach after a devastating team loss, the bitter sentiment is one that all children must learn to accept at some point in their life.
Yet, as adults, we begin to experience the really unfair moments.
Suddenly losing a job, or finding out a partner is cheating… there’s an incomprehensible number of possible tragedies we could suffer as adults that force us to recall that age-old phrase.
When up against an inequitable reality, is there even anything we can do about it?
Especially on social media (though plenty prevalent in real life), people prefer to project the best and boldest moments over the dark and desolate ones. This serves to highlight achievements, celebrate successes, and embrace that which we are grateful for.
The downside to this spectacle, however, is the inevitable comparisons we derive from it.
I myself am guilty of looking through a friend’s Instagram story or Facebook timeline every once in a while, self-flagellating to every party picture or new job announcement. I’d dig my own personal pit of inadequacy, struggling to make sense of how everyone seems to “have it together” more than I could even pretend to.
Even beyond the facade, there are times where we can truly acknowledge tangible points of leverage others have over us. Sometimes, the grass is greener on the other side of the class divide.
So how is it that some people are born into loving families with inherited wealth and boundless privileges, yet others are born into drug addicted, abusive, and destructive environments that leave them with vicious trauma and mental health issues to overcome? It’s unfair. Plain and simple.
It’s just a fact of life that we all have unique advantages and disadvantages, but the task of accepting that dissonance is where the real challenge lies.
Despite all best efforts, there’s no real way to control what happens to us. There’ll be days where rain pours over your picnic, uncaring of the predicted clear blue sky you were hoping for.
By surrendering the expectation of impartiality in our experiences, we can begin to expand our self-imposed limits of acceptance in the randomness of life. Anticipating that things won’t always go as planned can ultimately serve to diminish the entitlement that fuels our irritation with inevitable adversities.
This isn’t to say that you should flip to believing that nothing will be fair, of course. A paranoid and pessimistic view of fate will only hold you back from taking any chances, and stunt your personal growth.
It takes time to adjust to this mindset. There may be an urge to fight the notion of accepting unfairness- and that would make complete sense! Inequality and cruelty consistently disturb our social consciousness, leaving any moral person to oppose them.
Nevertheless, this acceptance of reality does not always condone said reality, but rather works as a tool to enable us to live contentedly despite it.
In truth, some of the greatest feats of mankind were developed through the dismantling of unfair systems, and that cannot be ignored. But, when faced up against the everyday onslaught of trials and tribulations, we are forced to make some decisions as to where our energy can be distributed.
If you pick your battles wisely, you’re much less likely to lose the war.
You could spend your whole life ranting and raving about pain, taking inventory of the injustices you witness, and fatalistically isolating yourself from the fickle slings and arrows of existence… you could.
Or, if that doesn’t suit your fancy, you could learn to roll with the punches instead.
As I’ve said, we have limited control over our circumstances, but we do have control over our reactions.
So, when life feels unfair, and the odds are seemingly stacked against you, ask yourself:
“Do I allow this to get the better of me, or will I take this blow for the better?”
